MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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