Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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