I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
