The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
