Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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