I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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