i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
