They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
