you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
