My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
