We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
