I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
