I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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