the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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