I am in a vortex of obligation.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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