Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
