I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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