I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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