Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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