I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
