I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
