I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
