16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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