ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
