I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
