He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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