I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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