My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
