"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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