I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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