you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
