Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
