You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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