So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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