flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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