I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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