i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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