I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
