i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
