shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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