All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
