Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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