He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
