It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
