Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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