Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
