Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
