My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
