Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
