it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
