I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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