My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
